Phoenix Challenge, 30 days of Get A-Live

The Phoenix Challenge is designed for anyone who, because of Corona or other causes, has withdrawn from society to a greater or lesser extent and is suffering as a result.

If home-working or some other reason makes you feel or feel alone at home. If you struggle to pick up the thread of social interaction, live meeting and daring the dynamics with others and the environment. If you want to but can’t manage (well).

To enter into the 30-day challenge, you need a Phoenix score sheet.

It is available free of charge to anyone who needs it. Who, as before, or perhaps better than before, wants to feel comfortable and confident interacting live with people, known and unknown.

For many people it is difficult to find their way back after a period of action that has triggered a retreat.

If that was difficult for you, but also if it was “quite pleasant” for you, you may have taken it further than the arrangements called for. That you tended to hide, avoid contact, withdraw….. and sometimes that also has the effect of giving you negative thoughts, taking less care of yourself, starting to believe that it’s better this way….. and slowly but surely becoming less comfortable in your own skin.

So that you surrender more freedom than is needed or demanded. You may then find yourself “living” less. To be and stay happy in the long run, interaction is needed.

The Phoenix 30-Day Challenge invites you to pull yourself out of this quagmire step by step, day by day.

If you have any questions about this challenge you are welcome to contact us.

If you can’t figure it out on your own, you can of course seek help from friends, family, a coach or other counselor. It doesn’t matter where, of course, as long as it helps you and if you dare to ask for and receive help. But it can be done, for example, at Bepper Coaching in Leiden (online and live in Leiden 😉

Explanation of the Challenge

On the Phoenix scorecard you will find all the terms. Per rule, you give yourself a score each day. It’s very fast. The summed scores is the Phoenix score.

The idea is, before your Phoenix Challenge, you first do a 0 measurement. In other words, what is your Feniks score right now?

From this 0 measurement, you try to do this meeting for 30 days, every day.

The daily measurement includes a Phoenix Day score (fill in the 30 rounds of days), and a few questions whose answers you write down for yourself.

You don’t have to continue to the maximum score. The maximum score (70) does not have to be the best for you at all. On average, you could say that a goal of 40 points provides a nice balance in your life. More is allowed, a little less too, but if you stay stuck at or below 30, then I imagine asking for help is at least a good idea.

This is not a science, but an indication. It’s all about your honest feelings about your life and how it’s currently looking and what that’s doing to you.

From the hope that this contributes a little bit, I give you this for free and wish you the best of luck in your process toward greater happiness in your days. By signing up for the Letter from Bepper, you will automatically receive a welcome email that contains the download link.

Good luck!

Liesbeth Bouwhuis

and receive the Phoenix 30-Day Challenge card for free via a download link in the confirmation email.

You can also download the Phoenix 30-day-challenge chart below directly from the link below.

30-dagen-challenge-Feniks_Bepper_28_9_21 Download

Terms & Explanation

Because you can interpret the terms you see on the Phoenix scorecard differently, we list them below and tell you roughly what we mean by them.

You can then better assess what score you assign per term for the day.

Term	What do we mean by it? We paint a picture.
Consuming	buying (too) much. Ready-to-eat or delivery meals. Not seeing yourself as part of a problem.
Produce	Making, repairing or developing something. Contributing to a solution. Cooking yourself. Creatively seeking opportunities.
Passive	Do nothing. Not taking initiative. Assuming others will fix it. Not feeling power nor ownership. In other words, no action.
Active	Takes initiatives. Comes with contribution. Thinks along and/or participates. Doesn’t give up. Invests.
only	Being alone or isolating yourself by secluding yourself among others. By not making (eye) contact, leaving your headphones/ears on. Not opening the door or not answering the phone. Not responding to external stimuli.
Together	Making contact, taking initiative. Being social and interactive with other people. With people you know. With people you don’t know. Talking together, living together and doing things or working on things together.
Outside	Out of the house, fresh air, being able to feel wind, rain, sun and outside temperature.
Inside	Between the walls of your home, office, room, etc.
City/Village	In built-up areas are. Traffic. Sound. Asphalt, stones, crowds.
Nature	Greenery (meadow, forest, beach, heath, etc.), water and air without city sounds or corporate noises. So at a distance from things made by humans.
Something for yourself	That what you do just because you allow yourself to. Something you feel spoiled with, but that is not bad for you.
Something for another	Something you do for another or for others that makes you contribute to something bigger than yourself.
Live contact	Real people, real conversations, real contact. Superficial and with substance. So not through any device, in any form.
Relax	Something that allows you to leave your thoughts for a while. An empty head. A relaxed body. Looking around you with wonder and peace.
Move	Using your body actively, for practical purposes or for physical, health purposes. Or because you enjoy it.
Working / learning	Earning your living, or working voluntarily, and developing yourself. Reading, discovering, exploring or doing new things. Whether through an institute or not.
Healthy eating	Although opinions on this vary quite a bit, you probably know what is at least NOT healthy. So you leave that in 95% of the cases.
Healthy drinking	Although opinions on this vary quite a bit, you probably know what is at least NOT healthy. So you leave that in 95% of the cases.
Tidying up/cleaning something	Hygiene is important, for yourself and your immediate environment. If you neglect your place to live, then you are probably neglecting yourself as well. If you leave it to someone else, the guilt doesn’t do your self-esteem any favors most of the time either.
Daydreaming / Loafing	Doing nothing at all. A period a day. Sometimes fifteen minutes, sometimes an hour….. no devices, no screen, no paper….just being in the environment with your eyes open, observing, without judgment, fantasizing a little…thinking a little…philosophizing…. ….without purpose.

"I really like the direct approach. I feel that this coach tailors a course for everyone and therefore you can go to her with any coaching question."

"You come across to me as a warm, open coach who is good at helping someone figure out what they are struggling with and how to address it. I found it huge plus that you can give a lot of concrete tools in a short time."

"Our employee has a much clearer picture of her own needs and boundaries and is putting that into action in the workplace."

I experienced my coaching by Liesbeth as very pleasant and very valuable. The latter also because of her high empathy which gave me a strong feeling of warmth but also of trust. I never felt like I had to say things I didn't WANT to say or that I didn't DARE to say. I felt very comfortable and safe with Liesbeth.

I am allowed to be there!
I don't have to do everything; I can and do things.
I understand the difference between being addressed on my work or being addressed on the person.
I understand the difference between participating in a process and watching a process. I may also be on the sidelines.
I am careful not to rush myself.I am much better at indicating my limits.
I am allowed to be angry and allowed to express my frustration
I may sit back

"I want to thank you very much for your insight and wisdom, and most of all, your faith in me."

"We ourselves did suspect that the employee was not happy with her role as a manager. That she has now independently made the decision to go back to Sr. Consultant is a more positive approach than when you as a manager have to indicate that it's not working in the long run."

"Excellent experience. We had a meeting beforehand to get acquainted and we also sat down with client's supervisor to tune in to where client's pain points were. During the evaluation with me (ed:client) and client's supervisor, as a coach, without violating confidentiality for client, you took us through the process well."

"Nice that you are direct and 'force' me to think or act differently. I often avoided questions about feelings and why, and now I couldn't. In a pleasant way you guided me in this."

For you

Of your life there is only one

There is only one person with this life

And that's you

You are about

You decide

What you choose

In everything in which you have a choice

You lose

If you choose

For what another wants

For what you think you should

For what you think is expected

For everything that does not contribute

To happy, contented and relaxed

You

So feel free

Choose your free

And feel even freer

This is how you become

Yeer

Do you know why sometimes you don't know something?

Or doesn't see?

Unable to choose?

Taking no action?

While in retrospect you have no idea how that was possible anyway?

Or you are in a pit and you simply don't see an exit.

You're in the middle of it. Therefore.

Your vision is clouded by emotions, chaos, confusion, uncertainty, stress.... anything can get in the way.

Watching from a distance, with or without another person's help, sometimes the fog can lift quickly.

You get an overview

And new insights

AND

Suddenly you have a view again.

Is your view clouded?

Seeing clearly and feeling clearly what you want is important for making choices that will move you forward. Choices that are right for you and that will make you feel good about yourself and stay that way.

So that your life is truly yours. So that you can be together in your life with others and with work without losing yourself in the fog in your mind and environment.

I wish you a tidy head! And a warm heart.

If I can help you, please let me know.

Liesbeth

To belong, it is nice to have similarities. People do all sorts of things to fit in. They adapt. Wear the same things, move the same things, say the same things, have the same opinions.

And they are also této the same thing.

This creates a WE and a SHE.

I belong to this and there is the other group.

But we decide for ourselves how we define WE.

If WE is "the people" then SHE, for example, is "the animals

When all people together are WE

Then WE are different

Then WE do otherwise

Then WE learn to deal with OTHERS

Then we are not AGAINST

Then we are FOR

FOR DIFFERENCES

That gives SAMEN

That makes WE

Beautiful

Would you like to be seen and heard?

Much frustration, loneliness and misunderstanding comes from feeling not heard or seen.

When someone shares a burden, no matter how small or large, that person needs to be heard and seen and acknowledged for that burden.

Attention is needed to make sure that happens.

Only when that attention is sincerely given and the person with the (first shared) burden feels heard and seen, only then can that person truly give attention to the other person.

So even if that other person feels he has a much greater burden, a heavier burden or a more important or similar burden, if this second person does pay equal attention to his own burden(s), then person 1 has no real relaxed attention. He cannot listen well, there is turmoil in the way.

The result is that both do not feel heard and seen and both feel alone with their burden.

That is why there is this formula. Although it is difficult, just being aware is helpful in reducing the number of times this goes wrong in interactions between people and causes unpleasant feelings and relationship disruption.

The 1st attention goes to the burden shared 1st.

Do you want attention to your burden? Then share those on "a moment of your own.

Swallow your burdens and stack your frustrations, and you will find that this becomes more difficult. So the more often you choose your own moment to share your own burdens for a moment and call attention to that, the better you become as a listener and the more relaxed you are in the whole thing.

I am curious to know what you think of this view and if you have any experience with it.

Would you like to learn to apply and practice this formula? For you or you together? Then book an intake and begin your journey to better communication!

#attention #being seen #being heard #listening #collaborate #relationship #thisworks #communication #misunderstandings #coaching

The mirror called Life.

The cycle of a human life is a reflection.

You begin with no words, no control over your limbs, no strength to stand, no control over your bowel movements and no ability to chew. Only through the best understanding, is it clear what you want to communicate when you state without words, what your need is. Hunger, thirst, attention, love, sleep, play.....

The difficulty it sometimes takes to become an independent and well-in-your-skin adult is similar to the difficulty it sometimes takes to say goodbye to your independence and the capabilities of your body and mind.
So sad sometimes.

Today a mother (in law) moves to a closed ward. Or a father (in law). Or a husband or wife without children. Having to let everything happen to you.....Other people who make decisions for you....and less and less control......

This can create a lot of frustration and aggression. A lot of powerlessness, helplessness is felt. Experienced a lot of misunderstanding and it causes a lot of grief.
And áf that is felt, it has to come out.
Or not? Ingestion? Lulling? Accept? Rest?

Despite that much is and can be done, despite many caring caregivers..... I wonder if it is right this way. How much a person has to learn. And un-learning! Continuing education is nothing new, it's human nature.

The longer something goes on, the more obvious the similarities, as well as the differences, between people become.

Whether it is a relationship, public policy, a situation....

As long as something is new there is something to discover.

And sometimes learn something.

Sometimes that's fun and sometimes it's not.

If you have the flu, the first few days are sometimes quite nice....even rest....even nothing....you can feel unwell then as a nuisance but also sometimes a bit as a welcome moment of rest.

Maybe you even really needed it.

Some people will say that your flu came because you needed to take a break.

But if it takes a long time, or if an illness is chronic, it becomes a different story. Maybe you don't know when it stops and the novelty is gone.

Do you become restless, insecure, sad, frustrated, wanton, depressed.....

Or you become relaxed, adapt, can make it happen, resign yourself to your situation, become creative in new ways.....

The longer a difficult situation lasts the greater the differences become apparent in how people deal with a situation.

The emotion that becomes dominant,

The feelings people experience,

How they deal with that,

Whether they communicate in the process or not,

How they hide or just show up and be heard,

How they look for it close and need precisely to blame others.

In which wave?

I myself find that I am in my 3rd wave when it comes to Corona.

In the first wave, I was fine, relaxed, able to be there for others who were suffering from something, and my work went on. I did like it, that "quietness.

My second wave was short. But intense. All of a sudden, I got a gasp. I had to leave. Away from everything.

And everything had to be different.

I was frustrated and angry and sad and for a few days nothing was really right. Everyone got their asses kicked too and I couldn't really listen to anyone. Most of all, I was powerless and angry. Sad and "fed up.

The 2nd wave originated during the past Christmas vacations. Or you can also say during the (current) lockdown of Dec 2021/Jan2022.

The contrast with "normal" circumstances during this period was apparently just too confronting for me. Came in without knocking.

After a few days of ranting and raving it was over ....and then came the 3rd wave;

I'm back at work....I like it when the sun shines....I'm quietly waiting again....

Quiet?

Well....nearly then..... the restlessness lurks in my body.....wat exercises....still remember that there is no new normal.....

The road back soon is something I look forward to.

But I'm also a little scared.

Afraid it won't be as close and familiar as it was, afraid that distance will be hard to reduce if not everyone and I mean everyone..... wants it.

And if not everyone helps each other close the resulting gap.

Inviting each other, crossing the bridge, bringing each other together....

How do you want it? And in which wave are you yourself? Do you have energy? Trust? Plans?

Or do you need others to invite, help, comfort, reassure, challenge you......?

If you share then it helps.

If everyone shares, we can find each other again and again.

Then you won't get lost in the search.

Dare to Share, Dare to Ask, Dare to Help.

I wish everyone a beautiful 2022.

Stay in touch!

Liesbeth

Link to my coaching practice

Special offer for students

For you

Of your life there is only one
There is only one person with this life
And that's you
You're in charge
You decide
What you choose
In everything you can choose
You lose
If you choose
For what someone else wants
For what you think you should
For what you think is expected
For everything that doesn't contribute
To happy, content and relaxed
You
So feel free
Choose yourself free
And feel even freer
That's how you become
More You

Liesbeth Bouwhuis (translated form Dutch0

Not everyone has as much self-confidence as they would like.

And not everyone is comfortable in a group.

Or not in one-on-one conversations.

Also, trying new things and standing up for what you want can be difficult.

Are you someone who makes room for others? You adapt when you actually want something different yourself? Are you giving more than is good for you?

Or are you not even aware of who you really are and what your needs and boundaries are? And if you do know, cannot communicate clearly or dare to say what you think and want?

Do you feel that you are not allowed to be there with all that you are or that you are not good enough? That you are more or less than another?

That sounds like time for a change! You have as much right to live and live fully as anyone else. But you have to dare to take that right. This can be done in a way that is relaxed and pleasant, and does not have to be done by pretending to be bigger than you are.

In the "Self Confidence for Adults" training we work on that. With a group of up to 8 people, we meet biweekly and work on what makes us stronger. We work according to a set structure with attention and space for each individual. We support each other.

These "Self Confidence for Adults" group sessions take place in the center of Leiden and last two hours each time. If there are 8 people on the waiting list, a group will be formed. The composition remains the same throughout the course to ensure safety.

Will you participate? 10 2-hour sessions, on Monday evenings. The cost is €195 per person.

3+17april and 1+15+22 May 2023! Or Sign up here to get on the waiting list.

If necessary, you can supplement the training with individual coaching sessions or if you prefer to be coached 1-on-1 that is of course also possible. For that, check out this page.