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Blog by Bepper

  • Do you want to feel seen and heard?

    Would you like to be seen and heard?

    Much frustration, loneliness and misunderstanding comes from feeling not heard or seen.

    When someone shares a burden, no matter how small or large, that person needs to be heard and seen and acknowledged for that burden.

    Attention is needed to make sure that happens.

    Only when that attention is sincerely given and the person with the (first shared) burden feels heard and seen, only then can that person truly give attention to the other person.

    So even if that other person feels he has a much greater burden, a heavier burden or a more important or similar burden, if this second person does pay equal attention to his own burden(s), then person 1 has no real relaxed attention. He cannot listen well, there is turmoil in the way.

    The result is that both do not feel heard and seen and both feel alone with their burden.

    That is why there is this formula. Although it is difficult, just being aware is helpful in reducing the number of times this goes wrong in interactions between people and causes unpleasant feelings and relationship disruption.

    The 1st attention goes to the burden shared 1st.

    Do you want attention to your burden? Then share those on “a moment of your own.

    Swallow your burdens and stack your frustrations, and you will find that this becomes more difficult. So the more often you choose your own moment to share your own burdens for a moment and call attention to that, the better you become as a listener and the more relaxed you are in the whole thing.

    I am curious to know what you think of this view and if you have any experience with it.

    Would you like to learn to apply and practice this formula? For you or you together? Then book an intake and begin your journey to better communication!

    #attention #being seen #being heard #listening #collaborate #relationship #thisworks #communication #misunderstandings #coaching

  • Self-confidence for adults
    eye contact

    Not everyone has as much self-confidence as they would like.

    And not everyone is comfortable in a group.

    Or not in one-on-one conversations.

    Also, trying new things and standing up for what you want can be difficult.

    Are you someone who makes room for others? You adapt when you actually want something different yourself? Are you giving more than is good for you?

    Or are you not even aware of who you really are and what your needs and boundaries are? And if you do know, cannot communicate clearly or dare to say what you think and want?

    Do you feel that you are not allowed to be there with all that you are or that you are not good enough? That you are more or less than another?

    That sounds like time for a change! You have as much right to live and live fully as anyone else. But you have to dare to take that right. This can be done in a way that is relaxed and pleasant, and does not have to be done by pretending to be bigger than you are.

    In the “Self Confidence for Adults” training we work on that. With a group of up to 8 people, we meet biweekly and work on what makes us stronger. We work according to a set structure with attention and space for each individual. We support each other.

    These “Self Confidence for Adults” group sessions take place in the center of Leiden and last two hours each time. If there are 8 people on the waiting list, a group will be formed. The composition remains the same throughout the course to ensure safety.

    Will you participate? 10 2-hour sessions, on Monday evenings. The cost is €195 per person.

    3+17april and 1+15+22 May 2023! Or Sign up here to get on the waiting list.

    If necessary, you can supplement the training with individual coaching sessions or if you prefer to be coached 1-on-1 that is of course also possible. For that, check out this page.

  • What wave are you in now?

    The longer something goes on, the more obvious the similarities, as well as the differences, between people become.

    Whether it is a relationship, public policy, a situation….

    As long as something is new there is something to discover.

    And sometimes learn something.

    Sometimes that’s fun and sometimes it’s not.

    If you have the flu, the first few days are sometimes quite nice….even rest….even nothing….you can feel unwell then as a nuisance but also sometimes a bit as a welcome moment of rest.

    Maybe you even really needed it.

    Some people will say that your flu came because you needed to take a break.

    But if it takes a long time, or if an illness is chronic, it becomes a different story. Maybe you don’t know when it stops and the novelty is gone.

    Do you become restless, insecure, sad, frustrated, wanton, depressed…..

    Or you become relaxed, adapt, can make it happen, resign yourself to your situation, become creative in new ways…..

    The longer a difficult situation lasts the greater the differences become apparent in how people deal with a situation.

    The emotion that becomes dominant,

    The feelings people experience,

    How they deal with that,

    Whether they communicate in the process or not,

    How they hide or just show up and be heard,

    How they look for it close and need precisely to blame others.

    In which wave?

    I myself find that I am in my 3rd wave when it comes to Corona.

    In the first wave, I was fine, relaxed, able to be there for others who were suffering from something, and my work went on. I did like it, that “quietness.

    My second wave was short. But intense. All of a sudden, I got a gasp. I had to leave. Away from everything.

    And everything had to be different.

    I was frustrated and angry and sad and for a few days nothing was really right. Everyone got their asses kicked too and I couldn’t really listen to anyone. Most of all, I was powerless and angry. Sad and “fed up.

    The 2nd wave originated during the past Christmas vacations. Or you can also say during the (current) lockdown of Dec 2021/Jan2022.

    The contrast with “normal” circumstances during this period was apparently just too confronting for me. Came in without knocking.

    After a few days of ranting and raving it was over ….and then came the 3rd wave;

    I’m back at work….I like it when the sun shines….I’m quietly waiting again….


    Well….nearly then….. the restlessness lurks in my body…..wat exercises….still remember that there is no new normal…..

    The road back soon is something I look forward to.

    But I’m also a little scared.

    Afraid it won’t be as close and familiar as it was, afraid that distance will be hard to reduce if not everyone and I mean everyone….. wants it.

    And if not everyone helps each other close the resulting gap.

    Inviting each other, crossing the bridge, bringing each other together….

    How do you want it? And in which wave are you yourself? Do you have energy? Trust? Plans?

    Or do you need others to invite, help, comfort, reassure, challenge you……?

    If you share then it helps.

    If everyone shares, we can find each other again and again.

    Then you won’t get lost in the search.

    Dare to Share, Dare to Ask, Dare to Help.

    I wish everyone a beautiful 2022.

    Stay in touch!


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