Would you like to be seen and heard?
Much frustration, loneliness and misunderstanding comes from feeling not heard or seen.
When someone shares a burden, no matter how small or large, that person needs to be heard and seen and acknowledged for that burden.
Attention is needed to make sure that happens.
Only when that attention is sincerely given and the person with the (first shared) burden feels heard and seen, only then can that person truly give attention to the other person.
So even if that other person feels he has a much greater burden, a heavier burden or a more important or similar burden, if this second person does pay equal attention to his own burden(s), then person 1 has no real relaxed attention. He cannot listen well, there is turmoil in the way.
The result is that both do not feel heard and seen and both feel alone with their burden.
That is why there is this formula. Although it is difficult, just being aware is helpful in reducing the number of times this goes wrong in interactions between people and causes unpleasant feelings and relationship disruption.
The 1st attention goes to the burden shared 1st.
Do you want attention to your burden? Then share those on “a moment of your own.
Swallow your burdens and stack your frustrations, and you will find that this becomes more difficult. So the more often you choose your own moment to share your own burdens for a moment and call attention to that, the better you become as a listener and the more relaxed you are in the whole thing.
I am curious to know what you think of this view and if you have any experience with it.
Would you like to learn to apply and practice this formula? For you or you together? Then book an intake and begin your journey to better communication!
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