Do you want to feel seen and heard?

13 Jul,2023 admin

Would you like to be seen and heard?

Much frustration, loneliness and misunderstanding comes from feeling not heard or seen.

When someone shares a burden, no matter how small or large, that person needs to be heard and seen and acknowledged for that burden.

Attention is needed to make sure that happens.

Only when that attention is sincerely given and the person with the (first shared) burden feels heard and seen, only then can that person truly give attention to the other person.

So even if that other person feels he has a much greater burden, a heavier burden or a more important or similar burden, if this second person does pay equal attention to his own burden(s), then person 1 has no real relaxed attention. He cannot listen well, there is turmoil in the way.

The result is that both do not feel heard and seen and both feel alone with their burden.

That is why there is this formula. Although it is difficult, just being aware is helpful in reducing the number of times this goes wrong in interactions between people and causes unpleasant feelings and relationship disruption.

The 1st attention goes to the burden shared 1st.

Do you want attention to your burden? Then share those on “a moment of your own.

Swallow your burdens and stack your frustrations, and you will find that this becomes more difficult. So the more often you choose your own moment to share your own burdens for a moment and call attention to that, the better you become as a listener and the more relaxed you are in the whole thing.

I am curious to know what you think of this view and if you have any experience with it.

Would you like to learn to apply and practice this formula? For you or you together? Then book an intake and begin your journey to better communication!

#attention #being seen #being heard #listening #collaborate #relationship #thisworks #communication #misunderstandings #coaching

"I really like the direct approach. I feel that this coach tailors a course for everyone and therefore you can go to her with any coaching question."

"You come across to me as a warm, open coach who is good at helping someone figure out what they are struggling with and how to address it. I found it huge plus that you can give a lot of concrete tools in a short time."

"Our employee has a much clearer picture of her own needs and boundaries and is putting that into action in the workplace."

I experienced my coaching by Liesbeth as very pleasant and very valuable. The latter also because of her high empathy which gave me a strong feeling of warmth but also of trust. I never felt like I had to say things I didn't WANT to say or that I didn't DARE to say. I felt very comfortable and safe with Liesbeth.

I am allowed to be there!
I don't have to do everything; I can and do things.
I understand the difference between being addressed on my work or being addressed on the person.
I understand the difference between participating in a process and watching a process. I may also be on the sidelines.
I am careful not to rush myself.I am much better at indicating my limits.
I am allowed to be angry and allowed to express my frustration
I may sit back

"I want to thank you very much for your insight and wisdom, and most of all, your faith in me."

"We ourselves did suspect that the employee was not happy with her role as a manager. That she has now independently made the decision to go back to Sr. Consultant is a more positive approach than when you as a manager have to indicate that it's not working in the long run."

"Excellent experience. We had a meeting beforehand to get acquainted and we also sat down with client's supervisor to tune in to where client's pain points were. During the evaluation with me (ed:client) and client's supervisor, as a coach, without violating confidentiality for client, you took us through the process well."

"Nice that you are direct and 'force' me to think or act differently. I often avoided questions about feelings and why, and now I couldn't. In a pleasant way you guided me in this."

For you

Of your life there is only one
There is only one person with this life
And that's you
You're in charge
You decide
What you choose
In everything you can choose
You lose
If you choose
For what someone else wants
For what you think you should
For what you think is expected
For everything that doesn't contribute
To happy, content and relaxed
You
So feel free
Choose yourself free
And feel even freer
That's how you become
More You

Liesbeth Bouwhuis (translated form Dutch0

Do you know why sometimes you don't know something?

Or doesn't see?

Unable to choose?

Taking no action?

While in retrospect you have no idea how that was possible anyway?

Or you are in a pit and you simply don't see an exit.

You're in the middle of it. Therefore.

Your vision is clouded by emotions, chaos, confusion, uncertainty, stress.... anything can get in the way.

Watching from a distance, with or without another person's help, sometimes the fog can lift quickly.

You get an overview

And new insights

AND

Suddenly you have a view again.

Is your view clouded?

Seeing clearly and feeling clearly what you want is important for making choices that will move you forward. Choices that are right for you and that will make you feel good about yourself and stay that way.

So that your life is truly yours. So that you can be together in your life with others and with work without losing yourself in the fog in your mind and environment.

I wish you a tidy head! And a warm heart.

If I can help you, please let me know.

Liesbeth

The mirror called Life.

The cycle of a human life is a reflection.

You begin with no words, no control over your limbs, no strength to stand, no control over your bowel movements and no ability to chew. Only through the best understanding, is it clear what you want to communicate when you state without words, what your need is. Hunger, thirst, attention, love, sleep, play.....

The difficulty it sometimes takes to become an independent and well-in-your-skin adult is similar to the difficulty it sometimes takes to say goodbye to your independence and the capabilities of your body and mind.
So sad sometimes.

Today a mother (in law) moves to a closed ward. Or a father (in law). Or a husband or wife without children. Having to let everything happen to you.....Other people who make decisions for you....and less and less control......

This can create a lot of frustration and aggression. A lot of powerlessness, helplessness is felt. Experienced a lot of misunderstanding and it causes a lot of grief.
And áf that is felt, it has to come out.
Or not? Ingestion? Lulling? Accept? Rest?

Despite that much is and can be done, despite many caring caregivers..... I wonder if it is right this way. How much a person has to learn. And un-learning! Continuing education is nothing new, it's human nature.

To belong, it is nice to have similarities. People do all sorts of things to fit in. They adapt. Wear the same things, move the same things, say the same things, have the same opinions.

And they are also této the same thing.

This creates a WE and a SHE.

I belong to this and there is the other group.

But we decide for ourselves how we define WE.

If WE is "the people" then SHE, for example, is "the animals

When all people together are WE

Then WE are different

Then WE do otherwise

Then WE learn to deal with OTHERS

Then we are not AGAINST

Then we are FOR

FOR DIFFERENCES

That gives SAMEN

That makes WE

Beautiful

For you

Of your life there is only one

There is only one person with this life

And that's you

You are about

You decide

What you choose

In everything in which you have a choice

You lose

If you choose

For what another wants

For what you think you should

For what you think is expected

For everything that does not contribute

To happy, contented and relaxed

You

So feel free

Choose your free

And feel even freer

This is how you become

Yeer

The longer something goes on, the more obvious the similarities, as well as the differences, between people become.

Whether it is a relationship, public policy, a situation....

As long as something is new there is something to discover.

And sometimes learn something.

Sometimes that's fun and sometimes it's not.

If you have the flu, the first few days are sometimes quite nice....even rest....even nothing....you can feel unwell then as a nuisance but also sometimes a bit as a welcome moment of rest.

Maybe you even really needed it.

Some people will say that your flu came because you needed to take a break.

But if it takes a long time, or if an illness is chronic, it becomes a different story. Maybe you don't know when it stops and the novelty is gone.

Do you become restless, insecure, sad, frustrated, wanton, depressed.....

Or you become relaxed, adapt, can make it happen, resign yourself to your situation, become creative in new ways.....

The longer a difficult situation lasts the greater the differences become apparent in how people deal with a situation.

The emotion that becomes dominant,

The feelings people experience,

How they deal with that,

Whether they communicate in the process or not,

How they hide or just show up and be heard,

How they look for it close and need precisely to blame others.

In which wave?

I myself find that I am in my 3rd wave when it comes to Corona.

In the first wave, I was fine, relaxed, able to be there for others who were suffering from something, and my work went on. I did like it, that "quietness.

My second wave was short. But intense. All of a sudden, I got a gasp. I had to leave. Away from everything.

And everything had to be different.

I was frustrated and angry and sad and for a few days nothing was really right. Everyone got their asses kicked too and I couldn't really listen to anyone. Most of all, I was powerless and angry. Sad and "fed up.

The 2nd wave originated during the past Christmas vacations. Or you can also say during the (current) lockdown of Dec 2021/Jan2022.

The contrast with "normal" circumstances during this period was apparently just too confronting for me. Came in without knocking.

After a few days of ranting and raving it was over ....and then came the 3rd wave;

I'm back at work....I like it when the sun shines....I'm quietly waiting again....

Quiet?

Well....nearly then..... the restlessness lurks in my body.....wat exercises....still remember that there is no new normal.....

The road back soon is something I look forward to.

But I'm also a little scared.

Afraid it won't be as close and familiar as it was, afraid that distance will be hard to reduce if not everyone and I mean everyone..... wants it.

And if not everyone helps each other close the resulting gap.

Inviting each other, crossing the bridge, bringing each other together....

How do you want it? And in which wave are you yourself? Do you have energy? Trust? Plans?

Or do you need others to invite, help, comfort, reassure, challenge you......?

If you share then it helps.

If everyone shares, we can find each other again and again.

Then you won't get lost in the search.

Dare to Share, Dare to Ask, Dare to Help.

I wish everyone a beautiful 2022.

Stay in touch!

Liesbeth

Link to my coaching practice

Special offer for students

Not everyone has as much self-confidence as they would like.

And not everyone is comfortable in a group.

Or not in one-on-one conversations.

Also, trying new things and standing up for what you want can be difficult.

Are you someone who makes room for others? You adapt when you actually want something different yourself? Are you giving more than is good for you?

Or are you not even aware of who you really are and what your needs and boundaries are? And if you do know, cannot communicate clearly or dare to say what you think and want?

Do you feel that you are not allowed to be there with all that you are or that you are not good enough? That you are more or less than another?

That sounds like time for a change! You have as much right to live and live fully as anyone else. But you have to dare to take that right. This can be done in a way that is relaxed and pleasant, and does not have to be done by pretending to be bigger than you are.

In the "Self Confidence for Adults" training we work on that. With a group of up to 8 people, we meet biweekly and work on what makes us stronger. We work according to a set structure with attention and space for each individual. We support each other.

These "Self Confidence for Adults" group sessions take place in the center of Leiden and last two hours each time. If there are 8 people on the waiting list, a group will be formed. The composition remains the same throughout the course to ensure safety.

Will you participate? 10 2-hour sessions, on Monday evenings. The cost is €195 per person.

3+17april and 1+15+22 May 2023! Or Sign up here to get on the waiting list.

If necessary, you can supplement the training with individual coaching sessions or if you prefer to be coached 1-on-1 that is of course also possible. For that, check out this page.